One Last Time
by Kaiya Mochidzuki
Summary: being sentimentally broken hearted, yuuhi decides to kill himself, but before that, writes a letter for aya... (neeh??! nicer summary than the last one eh?!) for those torn from love...


Author: Nyahah! So this is my first ever fic!!! Ehmm.. This was the first thing that came to mind so I just poured everything here. well.. maybe not everything.cause there's still this sadness maybe, that I just couldn't put into words. Maybe it's better to leave it unsaid.  
  
Disclaimer: How I wish they're mine but they're not! So no sue!  
  
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One Last Time by KaiYa  
  
My dear Aya,  
  
Maybe you're wondering why I wrote to you. I wanted to tell you this since last year but it seemed you never really had the time to listen to me. I wanted to show you how I feel but it seemed you never really cared about me. I wanted to let you know that you could always count on me, but you always had Tooya.  
  
I love you. I always did..  
  
But you never loved me.  
  
Your heart never skipped a beat whenever you see me. You never wake up in the morning excited to see me.. You never wrote your name with mine in your mid. You never sleep at night wishing you could dream about me.. You never live my life considering me as your highest priority..  
  
You never did love me.  
  
I'm no one for you.  
  
I'm just some other guy hoping to be noticed. You never did knew what I really felt. You never knew my pain.  
  
You never saw me.  
  
Cause you always had Tooya.  
  
Im jealous of him, I'm jealous that you love him. I should be the one holding you right now, but I guess I can never control our destinies.  
  
Each and every day, another wound develops in my heart. Each and everyday, I'm in pain.  
  
I'm always in pain.  
  
Whenever I see you with Tooya, I feel my soul is dying. I feel my heart beating its one last beat. I feel a sudden lightning striking me directly at my heart.  
  
killing me softly.  
  
I just try to smile.  
  
Try to laugh.  
  
I just try to hide the pain.. I try to let you see that I'm happy for you two.. I wore a mask and never showed the real me.  
  
The real me that loves you so much it hurts.  
  
But now.. I'm ready to take it off... To reveal my true identity. To show you the real Yuuhi.  
  
To show my agony, my jealousy, my torment.  
  
My weakness.  
  
I want to tell you one last time. I love you.  
  
This past year, I have been trying to kill myself but I never did have the courage to push the knife hard enough to let blood flow out. I want to end my life but I never had the courage to kill myself. I'm so weak.  
  
Now that I've finally realized what I'm really worth to you-  
  
NOTHING.  
  
no one .  
  
I'm doing it one last time.  
  
And this time, I won't fail. Now that I have THAT courage to do it.  
  
I cant live the rest of my life without you in my arms. I don't want to live my life when we can only be "friends". I don't want to be just your friend. I want to be your lover. Your everything. I want to be the one who'll make you happy whenever you're sad. I want to be the one who'll wipe off your tears whenever you cry.. I want to be the one who'll share your dreams and hopes. I want you to cry out my name whenever you're in trouble. I want to be the one you'll dream each night. I want to be the one you'll kiss, you'll hug, you'll make love to. I want to be the one who shall be with you for the rest of your life and far longer than death.  
  
I WANT TO BE THE ONE YOU SHALL LOVE.  
  
I've tried so hard to be noticed and make you fall for me, but. I failed. You don't love me. You don't give a damn about me!  
  
Call me selfish...but that's just how I feel...  
  
Now, what's the use of living if I'm just dying of pain?  
  
What's the use of living if I can't have you.  
  
I better end this letter now.. Please don't try to put the blame on you.. it was never your fault. Maybe we're just two different people never meant for each other.  
  
Maybe you're stronger than I am.  
  
I'm weak  
  
I'm hopeless  
  
I'm dying.  
  
Promise me one thing? .. Please live your life happily. Whenever you eat a delicious meal.please remember me.  
  
And when it seems the dark sky is only illuminated by the moon, just think I'm watching over you. Maybe it'll be a lot better watching you from up there, than here with you, where I don't belong.  
  
I shall always be with you.  
  
I love you Aya, but you don't love me, it's as easy as that.  
  
Goodbye.  
  
Yuuhi  
  
yayks! So. any tears falling?! Humbly speaking, I think this isn't such a wonderful fic. of course because someone will eventually die, and I just haven't/ couldn't write the right words to express what Yuuhi really feels.  
  
Enweiz,,, I love to read your comments and suggestions. It'll help me. ^_^ 


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